picture it: you just got off the phone with a walmart about 30 minutes away. yes, they DO have a wii in stock. sorry, they can't hold it for you. that's ok, you think, and scramble to put a coat and shoes on. you drive as fast as possible in the limited-visibility haze and you make it to walmart (ahem, trashmart) unscathed. you all but get yourself killed in the pedestrian crosswalk and haul it back to the electronics. you search frantically for the video game consoles and you think all hope is lost... and then you see it, the sole white box in a dark display, bright and shiny as though a gift from the heavens. you patiently get in line behind 2 people who look like they've never even heard of a wii and await your turn with the saleswoman. but wait!! here comes a mother and 2 spoiled brat children, eyeing up YOUR WII! "they have it!!" the brat boy screams. you turn to see what all the fuss is about, but you don't even need to look. you know they want your wii. and so you gently, patiently, oh-so-nicely inform them that you are waiting your turn in line for the wii. after all, you were there first. the mother, looking exasperated now, says "but theirs isn't working and they have all these games!" you keep your mouth shut and smile apologetically. no way you're letting this jag deprive you of the wonderful world of wii. she appears to give up and disappears for a moment. you relax slightly and it's almost your turn. the anticipation mounts. you're picturing yourself standing on one foot, testing your balance. you're intrigued by this concept of your "wii fit age." you're giddy thinking about doing wii fit yoga on your non-gym days. saliva builds in your mouth, a precursor to the sweet taste of mario kart victory. it will be mine, you think. it will. be. mine. but suddenly another trashmart employee shows up behind the register. he's talking to the saleswoman and pointing at a man... but where is this man? oh, he's right in front of YOUR WII. this man obviously does not work in the electronics department since he's asking the saleswoman to help the wii-man and he's wearing non-grunt-wear (i.e., khakis and a button-down with only a nametag and no trashmart smock). you're stunned, absolutely floored as this man, presumably a manager, takes the display keys from the saleswoman you've been waiting in line nearly 10 minutes to see and gives the wii to the jagoff who had the gall to poach a higher authority. but what's more awe-inspiring is that as the jag is heading towards the closed register with the manager, the wii-ogling woman and children from a few minutes ago have reappeared and are smiling. that's right, they're buying a wii. their husband/father is buying YOUR WII. because one wasn't enough for them. they can't let anyone else have fun, not even someone who was planning on blowing half of their paycheck, not eating for a few weeks to recoup the cash and arrived first. no, these are people who can afford to buy multiple wiis and who probably drove it home in their benz or their new audi and hooked it up in their several-thousand-dollar surround-sound living room nestled all snug and cozy in their million-dollar house. these people are scum of the earth in my opinion, and for some reason, i let these same kinds of people continually steal my faith in humanity.
i realize that yeah, it's just a wii. and really, right now, it's not even about the wii. i'd feel just as indignant, outraged and disgusted if it was a bottle of shampoo or the last sunday paper. it was the way in which these people went about doing it. the fact that the woman looked smug as she was waiting for her husband and wii #2. just the shadiness of the entire situation.
so i do not have a wii and i don't know if i'll ever get one. to be honest, there's another, bigger issue on my plate. one that involves selling the house and moving far, far away and doing something completely different. something that i've been thinking about for a long while, ever since i was in high school, but have never had the guts to do: i'm strongly considering joining the service.
no joke. i've kicked around the thought for years, but i've always been either lazy or scared (boot camp!), or it was just not the right time. but i have a 20-something (21? 22? 19?) uncle (ryan) who's in the navy and while i was entertaining people and marveling at mark's wii, my family was meeting my ryan and his mother at a cracker barrel to catch up. you see, for the short version of a long story, my mom's dad left them and married someone else and strangely enough, it took my grandfather's death a few years ago to bring my mom & our local family back into contact with my grandfather's family (ryan and his mom). anyways, there's been communication over the past year or so, but i don't think my family has seen him or his mom in years (like, 15 years or so).
to get back to the point, ryan's currently in the navy. while they were at dinner, ryan told everyone all about ship-life... and from what they relayed back to me, it sounds really nice. not like 4 seasons hotel-nice, but something i could totally do. (ha, and they have wiis and playstations and xboxes on the ship for the down-time!) even my mom said i should look into it (i don't think anyone knows how long i've been considering it). i think everyone would be ok as long as i were in the coast guard or the navy - as long as i wouldn't be deployed to iraq or afghanistan.
still wary of boot camp, but intrigued about a different career path (and TRAVEL!!!), i did some research today. turns out, to pass the physical fitness exam, you only need to be able to run 1.5 miles (and do sit-ups and push-ups, of course). holy poo, i was afraid of that?! i do that and more every time i go to the gym!! so now this possibility is closer. and i tried to reason with myself, trying to make myself fess up that this is just another whim and that nothing will ever come of it... but the strangest thing happened - as i was trying to face the realization of staying where i am, in this house, in this job, with these feelings of hopelessness and failure, i actually felt sick and started crying. i'm no psychologist, but i'm pretty sure that that's a sign that something's not right. something needs to change. and as comfortable (job-wise) as i am now, i know i can't handle much more of this. and then of course my mind turned to more practical matters, such as selling the house and having enough money from the government to pay off my pitt and nyu loans. the idea of doing those things felt like such a huge weight lifting off of me. it's like going to boot camp is so much easier than owning this house and paying these ridiculous, useless student loans. that sounds weird, i know, but i've felt so bogged down by everything since about last april or so. and at this rate, there's no end in sight. i'm confused and anxious and once again, i just want someone to tell me what to do.
so i'm done rambling and ranting. apparently i've been writing this for an hour (whoa!) and it's way longer than i intended it to be. so if you hung (hanged?) in there, thanks. if not, i don't blame you. i guess this is what a blog's for...
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