if you got money and you know it, take it out your pocket and show it and throw it!

I learned something very important and profound today. You know that sinking feeling you get when you look at your checkbook balance and discover that no matter how much you scrimp and save, you’re never going to get ahead? For some unknown reason, I got that same feeling when I realized today that it’s “actually going to be okay.” Thanks to my tax return, this has been the first month since buying the house that I haven’t had to take money out of my savings to pay my bills. It’s crazy, but I’m somewhat confused and unwilling to believe that it’s going to be fine. Maybe I just need more time to process this. I mean, I haven’t felt “safe” since July. My nerves have kind of gotten used to the frenzied pace of bank-to-bank transfers. I’m not sure how to chill out.
 
I’ve been on a strange Joan Jett kick lately. Especially the song “Do you wanna touch me there (Oh Yeah).” It’s like crack to my ears. Ear crack. It makes me want to go run. Awesome.
 
I’ve also been on a gorgonzola kick… like, I’m craving mold. How weird is that? I wonder if it has anything to do with the new Joan Jett obsession?
 
Last night was our first match in the competitive volleyball league. We played at the Downtown YMCA, which was quite an experience. First off, let me just say that I HATE going into Downtown Pittsburgh. Really hate it. I avoid it at all costs. Second, I’m stubborn and I absolutely flat-out REFUSE to pay for parking unless I’m spending the entire day somewhere. What kind of parking is available downtown? Parking garages and metered parking. Aargh! Luckily, our game wasn’t until 8 and parking is free after 6 or so. Still, it took me a good 15 minutes to find a spot, nevermind the nearly half hour it took me to get there from Point Breeze. I am NOT thrilled with this arrangement. I don’t know what I’m going to do when we have games at 6 – I’ll have to leave work by 5 to be absolutely sure I get there in time (and I’ll have to pay for parking, at least a little bit of it).
Anyways, the game was GREAT!! We lost the first 2 games, but won the last one. And you know what? It might be heresy, but I’m kind of glad we lost. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t want us to lose all our games and I’m definitely not sabotaging us. What I mean is that I think our egos needed to be taken down a peg. I didn’t have any high expectations for this league – in fact, I was so nervous before our game yesterday that I literally couldn’t speak. One of my teammates showed up early to watch the other teams with me and I was the absolute worst conversationalist ever. However, once we started playing, everything changed. The game really wasn’t that much more difficult than our more challenging Rec league games. And the scores were ridiculously close – we went into extra points the first game and lost the 2nd only by 2 points (the minimum by which the games must be won). AND we played really well. Even I played really well for once – I was all over the court (in a good way), got all my serves in, was ready for anything, and I even got a hit in! I was so proud of our team that I sent a kind of emotional email to all my teammates after our game… I almost ended it by telling everyone I loved them, haha. It was a fantastic night, and I’m super excited for our next game!
 
As a result of a combo of my nervousness/tenseness last night and my high-energy game, I was EXHAUSTED last night. I haven’t been that tired in so long! I tried to read a chapter of my book before bed and it took all my strength to keep my eyes open. I fell asleep really quickly and really didn’t want to get up this morning – I was so comfy! But I hauled myself out of bed and managed to make it into work by 8:07 – for the second time this week! I’m trying really hard to come in earlier to work so that I can get out earlier and enjoy the sunshine and warmer weather. Trying to balance gym time with my desire to be outdoors is killing me! It’s like there’s never enough time in the day!
 
Ooh, and I’m potentially going to the PUMP/PSL happy hour tonight at Buffalo Blues! Yay! Hopefully if I go, I can be one of the first 100 through the door so I can get a free beer. Mmm, free!
 
I suppose I should get back to work. Have a great week everyone!

overdrive we're going life or death

Sometimes I’m pretty sure that I’m bipolar. The lows can get really low and the highs can get really high. The past few days have been like a hyper manic haze, which is (to be honest) really nice. I don’t really know how best to explain it, but I’ve been really… “on” the past few days. My mind seems to be really clear and sharp and colors are really bright and I’m really fast and everything seems really extreme and heightened. Seriously, I’ve been so ridiculously (and mysteriously) happy and I’ve been making so many plans and taking care of so many different things that I really just don’t want this to end. Actually, if I didn’t know better (and I do; trust me, it’s 100% impossible), I’d think I was pregnant.  Not because I’ve been gaining weight or anything, but because colors seem extra vibrant and bright and smells are stronger, and I suddenly have so much clarity and at the same time, every single day I’ve been having huge stomach pains and feeling like I’m going to throw up.  Maybe my body is just really confused…
 
Anyways, yesterday was a much better gym day. I only ran a half mile more than the previous day, but I ran at .2 mph faster than usual for the entire duration and then put myself through a myriad of weights and mat exercises.  I felt pretty good the entire time, but once I settled down to go to sleep, my stomach killed me. Plus, my heart was racing. For some reason, I’ve lived in perpetual fear of a heart attack since I was 19, and the tiniest thing sends me into a panic about it, so I was pretty freaked last night. I just could not get my heart rate down and make my stomach stop hurting. I finally fell asleep about 2 hours after I had lain down.
 
Today I tried something new! Lori let me try some of her V8 Butternut Squash Soup. It was surprisingly yummy! I’d never had butternut squash anything before and it didn’t disappoint. I have to say, though, I’m a sucker for almost any soup. Seriously, I don’t really like veggies all that much, but I’ll totally scarf down a big bowl of vegetable soup. Same with the split pea soup – I’m pretty much addicted to the stuff these days and I HATE peas! (Though I don’t think the soup tastes like peas at all, thank goodness!) I’m really excited about buying some of the butternut squash soup for myself, and I’m even considering butternut squash fries since I’ve seen them on some blogs. I assume they’d be similar to sweet potato fries? Yummm…
 
Tonight should be a volleyball night, but we have our bye week… and next week starts the playoffs – we have yet another bye week because (yes, again) we are #1 in our division!  Let’s hope we don’t biff it all up in the finals like last season… I’m really excited because my team’s going to watch the other teams play tonight and then we might go to Hemingway’s afterwards! I haven’t been to Hemingways in, like, forever, and though it’s not healthy by any means, it is yummy bar food (especially at half-price, which is when we’re potentially going!). I do have a beef with PUMP (Pittsburgh Urban Magnet Project) and PSL (Pittsburgh Sports League), though. I just found out today that PUMP members are no longer going to receive the discounted rate of $10 per sport. Oh, and it was really nice of them to inform the members of this instead of just sneaking it into the FAQs for registration… It really ticks me off because that’s the only reason why I’m a PUMP member – I don’t live in the city anymore, so I don’t really have any reason to attend their political meetings and I don’t work downtown, so I can never make it to their happy hours. So now volleyball is going to cost me an extra $10 per league – and we’re doing both the rec league (which we’ve been doing) and the competitive league (movin’ on up!) this coming season. That’s an extra $20 that I don’t have. It really makes me want to quit the PSL leagues, especially since their nets are crap, but really the only other option is Sports Monster, which is a complete cluster in its own right. So I have to suck it up and find some way to get that extra cash… Ideas?

I really, really, REALLY feel like I'm going to puke. I think maybe my daily spinach salad is working against me. I think that's what the stomach pains have been for the past week. Whatever it is, I'm in PAIN and I'm going to keep my head on the desk for the rest of the day. I'm determined to not go home early.

Peace out.